Ok, I’m not an expert on child rearing, but I am an expert on sign shaking, and somebody needs to tell this girl that she sucks. The song, especially, is just abysmal. In a tuneless blast she says to get your hair cut “every single day and every single night.” Well, that’s just stupid. No one gets their hair cut every single night. It’s a preposterous suggestion.
Here we have a phenomenon which is the cause of some debate within academic, theoretical realms of sign-shaking thought. What is it when the shaker abandons the sign? Isn’t the sign-less sign shaker, then, merely shaking? Isn’t this man simply dancing chaotically on a random street corner?
The old-guard, conservative theoreticians term the move “renunciation,” this move by which shakers renounce the encumbrance of the sign to achieve new moves.
This is like the Harvard, the Shaolin Temple of sign shaking. This is where true masters are made.
“Here’s the thing, kid. Your sign shaking abilities are ok, but people can still read the sign sometimes.”
“But I thought that was what you needed.”
“We need you to spin the sign so frantically that people get dizzy, that epileptics driving by lose control of their vehicles. All you’re really doing is holding the sign, you know, upright, relatively still. We’re going to send you to train with Dijon Rice.”
“Dijon Rice sounds delicious.”
“Shut your blaspheming mouth. Professor Rice is a master. His fucking birth was presaged by natural wonders. And he deigns to teach amateurs like you. Show some respect.”
“I do a little dance while I hold the sign, sort of shuffle my feet and stuff. Do I really—”
“One handies, two handies, blender blenders. Do you know what those are? Of course you don’t. You haven’t been spinstructed by Dijon Rice. He teaches patented methods. Patented. Those shits are logged in the United States Patent Office. How else are people going to know about our pizza buffet?”
Wow. We’re finally getting recognized. This is a movie—yes, a movie!—about sign shaking that was played at the Cannes Movie Festival, which is like the Bonnaroo of fancy film. Sign shakers graced the silver screens of Cannes.
Yes, 5:14 is the length of this movie. It’s a short. A short film. There is a recognition of what’s called the “short film” at places like Cannes. No, you would never be able to see it in like a real movie theater or whatever, but to movie people it’s considered legitimate. We’ve come a long way.
Now, the content. Of course you’re going to see a little lag time. What I mean here is that the cutting edge is never going to make it into the movies while it’s cutting edge. That’s what cutting edge is…dangerous, too volatile for even experimental film types. Think about it, the cool skateboard movie came out ten years after skateboarding was really at its prime, its height. Cool karate movies years after the ancient art of karate was literally killing people left and right. A cool movie about #anonymous will be made in like 2017.
So, my point. Yes, the female (female, really? Would’ve thought male, to start, but whatever) sign “holder” just, you know, holds the sign. It’s a British thing, maybe? That’s not how it’s going on on the corners in 2k11. There’s a whole next level going on. Maybe two. Have you heard of Dijon Rice? (that is not a food.) I mean, we’re advancing over here in the States. I’m not sure what happened to sign shaking as it crossed the pond.
So, in England, sign shaking is just standing there like a pole. They’re a quieter bunch, over there.
But she still has swag. Smiles at the one dude. I wish she’d’ve broken it down a little. But she doesn’t and she maximizes her swag within the confines of her cultural boundaries. It’s like if Sign Shaking USA is Rocky IV and the British version is a Victorian novel. It’s just different.
But I recognize her swag.
p.s. Don’t Sweat the Technique feels like imdb.com must’ve felt when movies got big.
This shaker has it down: outfit, moves, swag. It’s all there. What I’m most feeling on this video is the commentary by the video taker. Sign this up guy for Sportscenter. Monday Night Football maybe. This guy explodes.
What can you say, seeing one’s first sign shaker is a coming-of-age moment. When you combine that piercing elation with Justin Bieber, you’re basically talking about a religious experience. I’m pretty sure Saint Augustine said something about it, only in his day it was monks suggestively shaking the latest illuminated texts on trading routes.
Also, propers to the editor of this video. Watching at :45 is like re-experiencing that first time I saw a sign shaker. Ah, youth and wonder.
— Hey, Wade, are you here to pick up your electric guitar?
— No, I need to pawn something else. Is it possible to pawn my dignity?
— Is that a kind of watch?
— No, like my dignity. Can I pawn my self-respect.
— I might have something you can do.
In shaker circles you’ll hear an expression: “Shakers gonna shake.” At :18 in this one you’ll see it in action.
Sometimes you just have to turn it loose and drop the sign. Sometimes it’s not as important to advertise for the people who pay you as it is to advertise the fact that you’re the dopest dancer ever to wreck that corner.
Well, game’s over. Scientists have found out how to automate the process.
And they didn’t do it on the cheap, either. She’s a dime piece. Dudes are like, “I’d like to shake her sign, if you know what I mean.”
“Do I know what you mean? Have sex with that robot in a truck?”
“Oh, come on, you know what I’m saying. That she’s hot.”
“Whatever, it’s hot. Why do you always give me such a hard time?”
“You just told me you wanted to have sex with that robot.”
I don’t mean to sound racist, but Juggalos make reeeally good sign shakers.